Understanding Your Reactions When Your Loved One Enters Treatment

Now that you have admitted your loved one to Hazelden Betty Ford’s substance use disorder (SUD) treatment program, you may be filled with confusion, anger, fear, and doubt. Questions may be racing through your mind. Did you do the right thing? Does your loved one—adolescent or adult—really have an addiction? Will treatment work? In this section, you will learn about recovery—for yourself and your loved one.

Whatever you are feeling right now, know that you are not alone. Most parents or caregivers of children and young adults with substance use disorder, or addiction, have been right where you are. SUD is a family disease, and everyone in the family deserves help.

Parents and other caregivers experience many strong emotions before, during, and after their loved one’s treatment. These emotions may bounce all over the place and may include the following feelings:

Fear
Early on, parents and caregivers often experience a period of anxiety or fear of the unknown. “What happens to our family now that my loved one is in treatment?” “What am I supposed to do?” “What happens when my loved one completes treatment?” “Will they act the same when they are sober?” “Will they want to be a part of our family again?”

Anger
Understandably, you may be angry with your loved one—and yourself—at any time in the treatment process. Alcohol and other drug use may have caused your loved one to act in ways unacceptable to you. This could have destroyed your trust in your loved one and shattered your hopes for their future. You have spent time, energy, and money trying to help, but your efforts seem to have failed. All of this leads to feelings of anger.

Guilt
Many parents and caregivers feel guilt, especially if their loved one argues that they don’t need treatment. During treatment, your loved one may promise to change their behavior if you will let them quit or come home. You may feel guilty for taking them where they don’t want to go. Your guilt may sound like a voice of condemnation. “If only I had been home more.” “If only I had been a better parent/caregiver.” “It’s my fault.” But you didn’t cause your loved one’s addiction. It isn’t your fault.

Doubt
After the initial shock of admitting your loved one into treatment wears off, try not to be surprised if you find yourself second-guessing your decision. “Was it really that bad?” “Was treatment really necessary?” These doubts can be compounded by friends and family who don’t understand addiction and substance use disorders. They may question your decision to place your loved one in treatment, undermining your confidence in your decision.

Relief
Not long after your loved one enters treatment, you may reach a stage when you feel thankful for this. You feel grateful that help has arrived; you can finally stop struggling so much. You are no longer alone—others are now aware of the serious problems the family is facing. Your loved one is now involved in a process where they will get the care they need. For some, this is the first time in a long time you might get a good night’s sleep!

You will hopefully feel less alone when you recognize that most parents and caregivers feel anger, relief, guilt, doubt, and fear when their loved one goes into treatment. Talking about these feelings with a member of the treatment team or another supportive person can help. Sharing painful feelings is an important part of taking care of yourself. Ask about opportunities to join others and share what you’re experiencing.

The Daily Pledge is a free, online social community, made possible by the Hazelden Betty Ford Institute for Recovery Advocacy, that provides a source of support and fellowship to those touched by or concerned about the disease of addiction. The Daily Pledge provides healthy daily activities on the home page, which are viewable to all who might benefit from seeing others "recover out loud." This community's members include both people with addiction and family and friends of people with addiction. Our experience is that people with diverse experiences are able to help each other in unique and valuable ways. Learn more about the community by exploring the pages linked in the menu.