Hope for Family Recovery
In recovery, self-care is crucial. But so is family care. As each person who experiences substance use disorder heals, the family heals too. A family can learn to set and honor boundaries. Family members support but don’t give help in unhealthy ways. They communicate openly, with honesty and respect. They practice forgiveness.
Sadly, trust is one of the biggest casualties of addiction. Broken promises, lies, hurtful behaviors, disappointments, relapses, etc. add up and erode trust in families. And it happens on both sides—there can be a lack of trust for both the person with addiction and the nonaddicted members of a family. A person in recovery might not trust that their family will be there or fear they will return to their old codependent or blaming behaviors. And family members might not trust their loved one’s sobriety or recovery.
Despite the heartbreak and hurt that substance use disorder can and does cause, the hope of recovery still burns bright. As it is often said, “While addiction tends to run in families, recovery does too.” Even if you are the only one in your family who is getting help, there is hope that others will notice your behavior and will be inspired to change their own as a result because they want what you have.
Practicing Forgiveness
Recovery doesn’t mean there won’t ever be conflict in families. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. All families have disagreements at times. And old hurts can last or turn into resentments when substance use disorder is involved.
When we practice forgiveness, we learn to let go of resentment. This isn’t the same as “forgiving and forgetting.” It’s important to remember how substance use disorder can destroy a family so we don’t repeat the cycle. But resentment can eat us up. When that happens, addiction wins.
Forgiveness is something we do. It’s an internal process. It isn’t a quick “That’s okay” after someone offers an insincere “I’m sorry.” It takes time and honest reflection. We can feel anger and disappointment and still practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness doesn’t depend on your loved one’s actions or inactions. But sometimes forgiving opens the door to more genuine relationships.
© 2023 Hazelden Publishing
The Daily Pledge is a free, online social community, made possible by the Hazelden Betty Ford Institute for Recovery Advocacy, that provides a source of support and fellowship to those touched by or concerned about the disease of addiction. The Daily Pledge provides healthy daily activities on the home page, which are viewable to all who might benefit from seeing others "recover out loud." This community's members include both people with addiction and family and friends of people with addiction. Our experience is that people with diverse experiences are able to help each other in unique and valuable ways. Learn more about the community by exploring the pages linked in the menu.
